Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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