new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
