Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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