no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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