Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
