I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
