thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
