just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
