he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
