Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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