the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
