We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
