i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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