I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?