with your own penis?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"