If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...