When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.