I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.