I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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