You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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