So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
