Barsexuality is the new black.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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