I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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