I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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