is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
