dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."