And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later