Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom