Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
Follow @tfln