but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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