Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
