Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
