What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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