and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
