I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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