i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
