Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
