i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
