I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
