its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
