I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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