every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
