just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
