Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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