i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
