If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
