Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
