We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
