i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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