im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
