i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
