I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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