Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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