I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
