Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
