He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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