i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
