I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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