i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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