I don't think brook has ever known best
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
