oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
