I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
