dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
