By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
