Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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